We are all the horse that is led to water but cannot be made to drink — here’s how to change
We all inherently want to change but why do we find it so hard to do so? If you are like me and are often easily excited by new things and activities, only to find after a few attempts that you simply lose interest or motivation to keep at it, then I am here to tell you how to stop standing in your own way.
With an abundance of self-improvement, habit formation and behavioural science books, podcasts etc out there, why is it that we consistently struggle to put our knowledge into action? Like a horse being led to water dying of thirst, we are often in need of some refreshing change but stop ourselves right when it is within arm’s reach.
This idiom is often used in the context of trying to guide people to change or make different choices but it is also a powerful one to explain why we struggle with changing ourselves. As the horse we all know the water is what we need but we hold ourselves back, unaware of just how much we are in need of the change that lies before us.
So what can you do to break through your own barriers?
- Reduce your expectations
It is more comfortable to remain the same and we will often only change if we know and can foresee the benefits that will come from making the leap. We cannot place such high expectations on what the change or new venture will bring us because neither path forward is guaranteed. Whether we take the leap or stay the same, we cannot avoid the reality that life is unpredictable. So reduce your expectations because either path forward (change or no change) will be a bumpy ride driven by highs and lows. If you can accept that neither journey is going to be perfect, it will be easier to venture into the unknown.
2. Remind yourself of why you got there
Turn around and consider the path behind you. You’ve come all this way and in front of you lies a refreshing pool of water that will quench you with the energy to continue moving forward. Behind you lies a mixture of dry desert plains and near empty pools of water that have enabled you to get this far. Remind yourself that this is something you want and while you could turn back and continue through the plains you already know, there is something exciting and new about what this new change could bring you. You’ve been thirsty for a while and now that it’s here you doubt yourself and what has motivated you to get here. What made you want to do this? Has anything changed since this? No, the only thing that has changed is that doubt and fears have kicked in. Don’t listen to these, move forward and drink.
3. Understand where your fears are coming from
If your still stuck and listening to your self-doubt and fears, its time to think about where these are coming from. More often than not, we make decisions based on what we believe others expect of us. Whether it be a family member, friend, work colleague or society more generally, we often get frozen in inaction, pulled in both the direction we want and the direction that we think others would approve or accept. As social beings, acceptance is an inherent part of our human nature but it is important for us to understand the source of our ambitions and fears. Are you wanting this change because it’s what everyone else is doing or because you think it’s good for you? Are you scared to do this because of what your friends will think of you or are you scared because it’s simply something you haven’t tried before? If it’s the latter in both cases, then go for it! There is no courage without fear, but make sure it’s coming from the right place.
In the end, you are the only thing stopping yourself from changing. You are the architect of your own destiny and only you can control the choices you make. Don’t ride in the passenger seat of your own life. Take control of wheel and drive your own path forward.
